The Pursuit of Belonging



Are you human?

Then there’s a great chance that you, like me, need to have a sense of belonging.

It’s a human need to be accepted….somewhere. It’s what gives meaning to our lives. It’s the way we navigate emotional pain.

And sometimes….

Your family is there. It’s where you grew up and had a happy childhood. Maybe you even still have a few friends there.

Yet, you don’t feel like you belong.

And it’s not a question of getting enough love from there. You’ve got the love.

It’s a matter of having a deeper curiosity.

A curiosity that comes from a rooted self-awareness that you NEED to see things, learn things, and discover things that your home doesn’t offer you.

So you go, in pursuit of belonging.

And there’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t make you weird, restless, or Peter Pan.

It makes you a person aware of your needs and your desires.

It makes you brave.

When you go out and explore the world in pursuit of belonging you meet so many incredible humans along the way. People like you, with the same deep curiosity of the world, who have bounced around cities, states or countries. You exchange many stories over wine and you think, Wow, they get me, they’re my people!

But they may go and you may go. So, chances are you don’t want to get too attached to a transient tribe.

Then there are those of you who choose to stay in a place where you don’t have a sense of belonging. You want to venture off, take a leap, and see what else is out there because you feel that where you are doesn’t offer you anything.

But you can’t. The fear paralyzes you.

The shitty thing about fear is that, not only can it keep you from taking any real action in your life, it can manifest into anger, anxiety and/or depression.

The pharmaceutical companies love fearful people.

Here’s the thing about finding your sense of belonging….

YOU have to CREATE it.


It takes work and effort on your part. It’s not any one given place that you arrive to and everything is perfect…the place, the people, the institutions. It doesn’t work that way.

Whether you’re an explorer or an anxious soul, finding your sense of belonging works the same way. You each have to design it, no matter how fleeting or incompatible it may seem.

  • Be good with yourself first. Find the love and the home from within. Number one.
  • Connect with like-minded people and build your tribe.
  • Get out and about and engage in activities around your area that bring you joy.
  • Take initiative and organize events or meetups in your local area. This is a excellent way to attract like-minded people to you.

beach tribe

Doesn’t that sound better than popping pills? Or living in a way where you don’t get too close to people because someone might leave? (Technology guys, it makes it so easy to stay in contact nowadays).

For my anxious readers, if that still doesn’t work for you then it’s time to get over yourself and just go. It won’t kill you. You can always come back. Life doesn’t owe us anything, so there’s no point in feeling like a victim and sitting in our misery.

You’re in the driver’s seat for your sense of belonging. So buckle up partner.

For you explorers, if that still doesn’t work for you then start getting real with yourself. What’s most important to you? Prioritize your values and live accordingly. No place and nobody is ever going to be perfect. If you value family, yet yours is far away, maybe it’s time to get physically closer to them.

Another group out there are those who have never strayed far from home because they’ve always felt that’s where they belonged. And that’s beautiful…if you’ve been true to yourself. If you haven’t, be assured that it’s never too late.

If home is where the heart is….and the heart is where the love is….

Then you create your sense of belonging. It starts with love. And love can be carried with you wherever you go.